


metanoia

by peachvitch



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prose Poem, Prostitution, Sexual Slavery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachvitch/pseuds/peachvitch
Summary: before i came to know you, love,little my life was worth to me.i prize it now all things above,and wish long in this world to be.-Fujiwara-no Yoshitaka...(Soojin fell in love with someone she dares not to touch.)
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	1. mångata

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer:
> 
> •rape  
> •underage sex  
> •prostitution  
> •historically inaccurate  
> •lack of research (just skimmed through google stuff)  
> •makes no senses
> 
> if you arent triggered by those then dive right in.

> the distant mountain are reflected in the eye of the dragonfly
> 
> _Kobayashi Issa_

**i. ocean, motion; emotion.**

a young-un in the sea, looming within yapping, boisterous barbarians.

a child that reeks of innocence, vulnerable and easily pillaged off normalcy. tiny body trembling in a corner, injected by thoughts of big hands, calloused and warm and licentious – all over! all, all over her, her body!!

however these eyes regards such creature as of no value. for them souls are scarred, long been sold and broken to be a mighty, filthy buccaneer. A child is mere speck of dust. Them tell-tales and songs they wear as medals shall forever leer countless atrocity that unfolds at the depths of corsairs.

nevertheless. it is what it is. the child thinks.

what’s been done is done and what’s to be done shall be done.

Φ Φ Φ

salt is luxury, this vast sea is heavy with.

the merchants clamor for it. nobles explotes it. countries well-armed to shed blood for it.

tears taste of salt, in one way it is its form – perhaps the purest form even. The child wonders by chance, of trading hers for a favor. for an end with mercy at the very least. Retain her humanity and rest easy with dignity.

...

she scoffs, for there is no such thing.

Φ Φ Φ

the air is alive. feasting, reeking of rum, endless burnt fish and keen terror.

the captain’s mouth doesn’t stop and his voice carries through cracks and crevices, “Tis’ mighty me is, _hic_ , has never, have tasted defeat for my lady, _gragh_ , MY lady!! my goddess! my beloved! favors this old pirate!”

She wouldn’t be suprised if they awaken the wrath of beasts under sea. 

she hopes they would.

Φ Φ Φ

the ship is warm, the breeze is dense and her heart is racing.

life is hauntingly committed to delicate misfortune, neither a friend nor an enemy get by towards nature’s children.

Soojin gazed at the stretching horizon, deep blue, waves lapping gently dancing. _this feeling..._

she gasps – a memory greets -- a swish of azure, of noble finest silk, glittering with golden warmth from flames and by the sleeves, peeks of slender fair fingers reaching her, caress of love whisper of safety and then those very arms waving, her sleeves like pleasant wind, fluid. lovely and elegant as the moon touches the ocean. her mother's smile burns

\-- her head hurts, it stings, her comfort a corpse. 

She closes her eyes slowly.

the air she breathes slips, a cough. Silently so no one knows.

let them forget. let them know nothing of her existence.

when she opens her eyes again, the memory, she lets the sea take and make it into a treasure like many others that she have let go.

Soojin wishes to taste the void.

for these deep waters is where she now entrust her soul.

no return.

Φ Φ Φ

her dark eyes fleets from one laughter to another, when she blinks there will be a fight or two so to don’t own danger, comes she scurry -- chest squeezing, throbbing. her own bony arms embracing her willow frame as...shield, pitiful may it be, it offers a flick of calm at bout of disquietude, of alarm that pulsates in her veins. flight from one obscured barrel to another.

she runs. but unrest closely follows, clings like a shadow.

the waters are unforgiving this night yet they paid no mind.

it is only Soojin who wished it rages more and swallow them whole.

Φ Φ Φ 

unfairness is marked by birth. thus once born, humans bear the fruit of misfortune – forever quivering in fascination in waiting for thunder, of by dread.

particularly to this daughter of man, less of an adult. tossed at thirteen and shivering – bones ought to dry, taunt skin stretched thin but clean. fragrant. not for hers, but by the comfort of her Master. 

he orders around in words foreign. his greedy eyes on her is enough to know what those words be even without learning so.

Φ Φ Φ 

the night is dying.

the moon gazes at the child, in her fugitive cave, cold between barnacled barrel and tattered wood, however dark it is pleasantly so that hides her from the monsters – no. No.

she is no longer a child. there are no monsters with towering jaws nor bloody claws, it is just humans, of the same as her.

humans are monsters in greatest normality.

she understood long ago that it may seem sinfully wrong to fear creatures for their appearance as such when they don’t even dare lay violence on her. 

unlike them.

She asks the moon, big and bright, brilliant – if God created them to suffer and entertain His growing need for laughs. Immortality can perhaps make sane man forget morality because of this world’s filth.

the moon is quiet.

for why is she born, by chance if not that?

the moon, offers no answer.

Soojin blinks dissapointed but not surprised.

her gaze still lingers on the only brilliance on the sky, not knowing how time passed by straining her eye.

the moon may be mute to her squabbles but it compensates by shining warmth very much unlike the sun. for the moon knows her secrets which the sun sleeps on.

the ocean laps on the ship gently; waves lulling as if urging the ones aboard to shut eyes.

Soojin felt the moon’s touch, ephemeral…

home.

_Ha_. She sneers at her illusion.

yet, her mouth softens. a flash of emotion on her dull eyes once again.

where her gaze falls, on her hands.

littered with splinters, bruise. Stinging that she overlooked. It may have been the tranquility that shed faux security that she hadn’t expected nor the presence of mundane ache brought by mere wounds. yet, it comes. flooding. unrelenting when her vision blurs where warmth pools, and falls.

in the quiet of the night, Soojin welcomes dawn with breathless cries and staggering hiccups. heaving and ribs burning.


	2. victory over violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: 
> 
> its not explicit but--
> 
> pedophilia.
> 
> rape. 
> 
> i'm not in the mood in writing about rape so it is vague. this chapter is vague honestly just needed to write this because this is one of the major points.
> 
> unedited because im lazy and this chapter sucks. but if you can understand and feel Soojin of metanoia a lil bit then thank you 
> 
> enjoy :)

**ii.** **first death**

that night, Soojin remembers it clearly.

  
a vivid memory of change,

and it started with dusk.

She sees the enemy ship torn to pieces by booming canons. merciless and brutal.

floating bodies dyed the sea, dark red, beautifully haunting.

the sky seems to hold their funeral, burning the horizon with stark color of vermillion 

It has taken a man to hold Soojin by the neck to prevent her from diving within. 

To perish and remain unclaimed.

  
but that may have been the catalyst for her Master to finally make a move.

drunk in power trip, victory from violence, the captain ordered them to clean her up and place her to his chambers.

her heart stopped.

  
Soojin has been prepared for this.

  
prepared, yet she cannot control the fall, the sinking of her self down and swallowed by the void. 

  
it has taken a while for the only maiden on the ship to carry on the order, well the only alive maiden.

the other one is the carved lady at the front of the ship, Soojin doesn't know what parts of a pirate ship are called but she has heard some pirate crew mutter it as their goddess, the one who keeps them safe.

the alive maden then, is the cook. the cook only for the captain. For a pirate captain to have his own cook?

  
She didn't realize how significant her Master is till now. 

Soojin has only one thought on her mind going haywire before this and that is to hide. survive and disappear.

  
For her, little things like this means little to no value but she is particularly hypersensitive to every matter tonight--

the crease on the cook's eyebrow as she scrubbed her tiny body. the roughness of her hands that tells her that of course, this isn't a dream and her nightmare is happening,

  
everything passes by her eyes with great detail and flies away before she can remember.

it feels like a blink of an eye the past 4 hours she was prepared for and now she's sitting here. bare on her Master's bed.

her hands do not tremble, for her heart does.

  
the captain's booming shout echoes through the thick wooden walls, but it is not strong like what she is accustomed. 

> _is this what drowning is like?_
> 
> _everything is muffled. my bones heavy. my throat suffocating. my lungs beg for me, to do what? i do not know._

the festive idled. he has come.

  
Soojin closes her eyes, offered herself to the darkness,

Soojin understands that fighting back is futile and whatever effort she may exert in contradicting her Master's intention for the night will certainly not end well.

after all the cruelty fated for her, Soojin wishes to live.

even if not for herself, but for her mother.

she has tossed her own honor but never her mother's.

  
to battle with the loathed, lustful warmth from her Master she lets the cold eat her insides away, from her core to the tips of her fingers, please don't think about leftovers.

she does not scream nor make a sound. 

Soojin will never let him have that power over her.

at least that tiny flame she decided, to keep.

Φ Φ Φ

humiliation still covered her like a blanket.

her Master has coated her, branded her body like a toy.

  
satiated, pleasured. he dares to slumber. Never minding a child inside his chambers cause' what could a mere malnourished whore do?

  
_oh yes, what could a child do?_

Soojin has lost her faith on humanity and thus she shall treat them with respect befitting an animal,

  
She held the knife tight with both hands, her knuckles turning white.

She contemplates on digging it deep on his chest but would that really satisfy her?

  
He has taken his time on picking and breaking her apart, granting such quick escape seems so unfair, so it is only right that she shall bestow kindness and do the same.

the captain laid on his majestic bed, mouth sealed, blinded and hands tied in velvet rope of the finest material she could find, of course only a luxury item would do the favor and keep him there. quiet and still.

  
she kneels beside him and slaps his thighs hard, a red palm mark emerges and yet he remains unresponsive.

  
Soojin wastes no time and positioned the knife, sharp enough to cut with a single swipe for it is used by the cook with great care, it glints from the lit candle by the dresser and when she shifts it reflects her eyes. calm and blank. reminds her of the lake she got lost in on a dark night. she was incredibly scared then before getting rescued by her father's men.

  
She shifts it again, its different now. 

no one will save her; there is no one left on her side.

  
Φ Φ Φ

  
Soojin runs with quick feet and bloody hands gripping a cloth dripping with thick crimson liquid. 

  
she suppresses the smile on her lips for it is not yet enough to call a success,

  
once she has safely landed on soil then she shall count this as victory.

as soon as the pirates wake up and notice their captain's absence and see for it themselves inside his chambers --they will know the crime she has committed.

Soojin is not going to escape death once she is caught.

  
She took the man's most prized treasure. 

  
who in their right mind would let her live once they see?

so for now, it is too early to smile, she shall get down and hide. 

  
Hide on the pirate's goddess. Pray for safety, at least.

  
She hopes that the ship goddess can see and grant mercy, offer safety.

if only, maybe momentarily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you guess what she took from the captain?
> 
> if you guys dont understand i will rewrite in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> this is multiple chapters and time is an illusion.
> 
> thanks for reading. 
> 
> constuctive criticism mildly accepted hehehe im a high functioning sensitive 🍑


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